Thou Shalt not Should on Thyself.
Thou shalt not should on thyself.
This is one of my primary rules that I am getting better at integrating.
There are a number of ways that we should on ourselves. We let societal expectations dictate our actions; we should be married, we should have kids. We compare our skills to the skills of someone else causing us to think we should be able to do what others can do. We also set goals and create actions for ourselves because we should be healthier or more organized, but what does our version of healthy and organization look like?
This week should came up for many clients as “I am (insert age here), shouldn’t I be able to (insert a life skill or way of adult-ing here).
My answer is no.
My sense from coaching myself and others over the past several years is that many, many of us have the thoughts that there are certain skills that human beings are born with and come to magical fruition magically one day. This can include lots of things from organizing a closet, to paying bills on time, to identifying one’s purpose and breaking projects down into action steps.
I am here to tell you that we all have different brains. We all have been given different tools by well-meaning adults in our lives. We also have different energy levels and sources of energy.
I therefore invite you to replace “I am (insert age here), shouldn’t I be able to (insert a life skill or way of adult-ing here) with “I am (insert age here), yay me!” Then decide if there are skills to learn or tools to acquire to do the thing you want to do.
It is a step toward your Life All IN-
Want support with your shoulding, let’s connect for a free consult.