Day 8
Today healing and gratitude came from being at the lakefront for Sunrise service, hearing the words of love and healing from the women at the tomb. Looking at the colors of the sunrise. Like a living painting before my eyes. A fiery ball holding court, demanding attention yet quietly inspiring awe while giving warmth to my skin and my soul. I thought I would cry from memories of mom. Twenty years since she has been in a physical body on this earth. I thought about how much she would love to see the sunrise. And I smiled with contentment. My grief has brought me here and now my grief was making me present, captivated by the sun and the strata of colors it brought with it as it made its appearance at the horizon. I was grateful to be there. Two people walking along the lake joined the service, summoned by the lilies, they communed and then kept on their journey. I felt their energy of love and desire for safety in the circle. So grateful that they shared the space to remind me that we are each part of each other if even for an instant it seems.
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Day 9
Retribution to compassion. By showing up for the full encounter of reality that we discover our hidden wholeness. “Wild Mercy” by Mirabai Starr.
When we are present we are introduced to ourselves. This is what I am learning. We feel our fears and our joys. We breathe. We shiver and we dance. We breathe. We ask what is this moment is here to teach me then we listen. We listen to the parts of our body that are asking for more breath, for more energy. We notice the parts of our body that are blocked and we breathe. Showing up means breathing and being aware. Absorbing with your senses the messages around you with curiosity and compassion. Then listening to your gut about what the next step is for you. This is my meditation. This is my song of praise. My body is the container that was gifted to me to house my spirit, my energy. Show up and be present in it.
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Day 10
I took the triathlon number off my bike. It had been there for two years y’all. I took it off because it is time for a new sticker. Yea, I am proud of the accomplishment. My body did it and my body can do it again. Right now, though, my body is asking for a different kind of care and love. It is asking for me to not cling to what was, but to have grace for the year it has been.
It has been a year of fight or flight. A year of uncertainty. The uncertainty continues and my body has been the vessel taking it in, holding it. Building up protection against it. I have been protecting myself.
And now protecting me is actually depleting me.
It is time to engage a different segment of the spiral. I do have pride for what my body can do as well as grief and sadness that me in my body cannot do exactly that right now.
As a dear wise friend said to me yesterday “I have turtled for a year and now that is not serving me.”
Now it is time to take a grateful step toward trust and grace and love that move along the spiral.
